Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
