great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
