I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
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It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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