did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
