So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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