ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
