Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
