WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
