My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
