the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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