i just sent this text using only my big toe
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
