I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just tell him i said nine months
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
