I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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