I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
