i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
