I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
one might say we're banned from that church
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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