Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
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Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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