I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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