i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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