never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
