So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
