New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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