Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Who died my cat blue again?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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