did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
