I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
