how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize