A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
