Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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