I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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