I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
