What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
