Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
