I just threw up on my dentist
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
NoShamevember. You game?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
