she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
