I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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