I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
