I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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