I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
