stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
