Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
