I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
