I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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