She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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