I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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