I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
