you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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