Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
