is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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