Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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