its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
