1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think i have two assholes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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