stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
