i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I want is dick and wine.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
