I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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