u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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