I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
