True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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