is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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