I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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