Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
