News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize