what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
