one word: firstdatebathroomanal
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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