Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
