I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
