I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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