This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
