So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
