she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
