My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Boobs are out for the taking
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
