Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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