i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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