peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
