Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
